There has been some discussion about this, and here is my two cents:

A divorce or "get" must be requested by the husband. A wife can either accept
or reject, but cannot initiate the "get". Rabbi's can try to influence the
outcome, but the fact of Jewish Law remains, the husband files for the
divorce. If there is good reason, say the husband and wife are in difference
countries, or the husband is in jail, etc., with two Rabbi's coordinating the
process, there can be a divorce. But the husband himself must request the
"get" and the wife herself must accept the "get".

So, if by proxy one means that the husband and wife are not in the same room
at the time of the "get", it is possible. If one means that either the
husband or the wife is missing >from the process, then no, it is not possible.
A husband cannot divorce his wife without her acceptance of the "get". A wife
cannot get a "get".

OK? BTW, grounds for a "get" are as liberal as "she burned my dinner". Of
course you may need a civil divorce as well, but that is governed by the
country.

Shelley Volk
Chicago,IL

It might not always have been the husband who did the divorcing.

My maternal grandmother, Deborah STIEGLITZ, married my grandfather in
London in 1902. The Beth Din application for marriage says the bride was
not married before. However, according to American cousins, she had an
arranged marriage back in Filipkowce (near Mielnica) which she escaped from
during the wedding celebrations by slipping out, climbing into a
pre-arranged horse and cart with a small parcel, and somehow made her way
to London!

According to my late aunt - whose memory was probably unreliable - Deborah
sent back to Filipkowce for divorce papers.

Too much mythology?

David Fielker
London, UK

However, according to American cousins, she had an
arranged marriage back in Filipkowce (near Mielnica) which she escaped from
during the wedding celebrations by slipping out, climbing into a
pre-arranged horse and cart with a small parcel, and somehow made her way
to London!

According to my late aunt - whose memory was probably unreliable - Deborah
sent back to Filipkowce for divorce papers.

Too much mythology? >>

==Yes, too much mythology. For better or worse (and I don't want to explore
the socio-historical reasons), Halakha (Jewish Law) is adamant that the
husband can divorce his wife and the wife cannot divorce a husband. However,
a wife can petition the Bet Din (court) to compel the husband to give her a
divorce, applying sanctions if he refuses. (There are quite a few stubborn
Israelis languishing in jail because they refuse to divorce their wives). I
assume your grandmother escaped the marriage celebrations before the betrothal
and the marriage were solemnized (nowadays, the latter follows immediately on
the former, in one ritual).

If your grandmother had been found by the London Bet Din to have been
previously betrothed or married, and had not received a get before remarriage,
she and the new husband would have been forced to separate and he would have
been ineligible to ever marry her again.

I'm stating what the rules are; I didn't create them. Please folks, don't
beat up on me and let's not alllow this to deteriorate into a dispute about
the fairness of Jewish law.

Michael Bernet, New York
*******************************
seeking:

BERNET, BERNAT, BAERNET, BERNERTH etc >from Frensdorf, Bamberg, Nurnberg
KONIGSHOFER: Welbhausen, Konigshofen, Furth
ALTMANN: Kattowitz, Breslau, Poznan, Beuthen--Upper Silesia/Poland
WOLF: Frankfurt (Aron Wolf m. Babette Goldschmidt ca 1855) also in Wurzburg,
also Sali WOLF, Rotterdam

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