polite, correct word for genealogy purposes? #general


Trudy Barch
 

What is the correct term nowadays for…

A)     2 males living together as an unmarried couple?   Married couple?

B)     2 females as an unmarried couple?     Married couple?

C)    Male and female as an unmarried couple?

 

Thank you,   Trudy Barch, Florida


kshepard
 

Partners or Life Partners

On Sunday, June 7, 2020, 07:03:36 AM CDT, Trudy Barch <cousintrudy@...> wrote:


What is the correct term nowadays for…

A)     2 males living together as an unmarried couple?   Married couple?

B)     2 females as an unmarried couple?     Married couple?

C)    Male and female as an unmarried couple?

 

Thank you,   Trudy Barch, Florida


Alyssa Freeman
 

As far as I know, a couple is a couple, regardless of the genders involved. People sometimes talk about same-sex couples/marriage, but they're still a couple.
 
Alyssa Freeman
Richmond, VA


Robert Hanna
 

 

Trudy Barch asks:

 

What is the correct term nowadays for…

A)     2 males living together as an unmarried couple?   Married couple?

B)     2 females as an unmarried couple?     Married couple?

C)    Male and female as an unmarried couple?

 

 

I would call them, respectively:
 
A) partners (unmarried men)  and  husbands (married men)
 
B) partners (unmarried women)  and  wives (married women)
 
C) partners (unmarried opposite gender)
 
Others may feel differently.
 
Robert Hanna
NYC
 
Researching:  Chanan, Blumenblat, Karasik, Thomashow, Cohen, Rubinstein, Bunderoff, Pastilnik, Nemoyten, Diskin, and variations of all.

 


Stephen Weinstein
 

Since the word partner has appeared in some of the other answers, something to be aware of is that civil unions were called "registered domestic partnerships" in California law, and the two individuals were called "registered domestic partners".  This applied both to same sex relationships and to elderly heterosexuals (opposite sex relationships) who wanted to be treated as married under California law but as single under federal law (typically so that if one of them ever needed to go into a nursing home, they would not need to spend down the assets of the other in order to qualify for medicaid).  So if you use the word "partner", make clear whether you are using it as a generic term or that you are using it to say that the relationship was a union that was legally registered in California.  Keep in mind that it's not enough for YOU to know what you mean; you also have to make it clear in your notes and tree to anyone who might use your notes or tree for their own research after you're dead; we've all experienced reading something that was clear to whomever wrote it in the 1800s, but isn't clear to us now.

"Fiances" if they are engaged but not married.

"Husband" for any married male and "wife" for any married female.

If they are not married and are not engaged, and you are brave, then boyfriends for (A) and boyfriend and girlfriend for (C).  However, the meaning of girlfriends would not be clear if used for (B) because "girlfriends" in the plural form or a same-sex context normally implies a platonic friendship.  (Unlike "boyfriend", which normally implies a romantic relationship regardless of whether used in a same-sex or opposite-sex context, as does "girlfriend" in a clearly opposite-sex context.  An exception is that I have heard Suze Orman's address callers to her financial advice show as "boyfriend" or "girlfriend".)  Also, it invites an argument about whether boyfriends and girlfriends should be included at all, so if you want to avoid that discussion, it may be better to avoid words that clearly indicate unmarried.

A, B, or C)
"Partners" works for any relationship.  It's simple.  Unlike husband, wife, boyfriend, or girlfriend, it doesn't indicate gender or marital status, so you don't get into a fight with anyone about the validity of a marriage.  It can be safely used around children without concern as to whether they are ready to learn about sex or relationships, because if they don't already know, then they'll just assume you are talking about business partners.  The only problem, as I mentioned at the start, is the possible confusion with the more specific California term.

Stephen Weinstein
Camarillo, California, USA


Shelley Mitchell
 

2 males = Husbands
2 females = Wives
As for unmarried heterosexual couple, last time I looked it Partners
--
Shelley Mitchell, NYC    shemit@...
Searching for TERNER, GOLDSCHEIN, KONIGSBERG, SCHONFELD, in Kolomyya; PLATZ, in Delaytn; and TOPF, in Radautz and Kolomea.


jel
 

Unless it is simply a platonic, roomate or flat sharing relationship, I term the unmarried couples as Domestic Partners. If they're married, I term as Married and have created, in TMG, a special marriage tag to designate their same sex status. What you do depends on the fllexibility of the software you use to enter your genealogy data.
Judith
Smyrna, Delaware


David Hamermesh
 

I would propose that the polite and correct thing to do is to use whatever term the couple in question prefers. Ask them (assuming this is possible, of course).

David Hamermesh
Jackson Heights, New York


Kenneth Ryesky
 

Folks, if you choose to be judgmental of all your relatives, then your family tree listing and your enemies list will eventually become one and the same document.
 
One of the strongest (and underutilized) arguments in favor of family history research is that empirical evidence strongly suggests that all else being equal, children who know their family history are better postured for success in life than those who are unfamiliar with their family background.
 
 
If my own family is typical (not that there is any such thing as a "typical family"), I have Communist Party apparatchiks and nomenklaturaniks, as well as a founder of the Republican Jewish Coalition and other people who are or were solidly on the righthand side of the political spectrum.
 
There WILL be differing political, social, and religious differences.  If you are as highly outspoken and opinionated as I am, then being nonjudgmental will be a challenge.  Much of my research successes have come through collaboration and note-comparing with people who would be (and have been) my adversaries in other contexts. 
 
When doing personal genealogy, I think of my biases as just another brick wall that needs to be broken through in the research process. 
 
-- KHR

=============
Ken Ryesky
Petach Tikva, ISRAEL
kenneth.ryesky@...

Belarus:  Gomel:  RAISKY, SHKOLNIK(OV), ARONOV, AEROV

Ukraine:  Yelizavetgrad:  Broad/Brodsky (also Odessa), Gertzig/Gertzog
Ukraine/Russia/Turkey:  Yevpatoriya:  Israelson, Arshenov
 

--
Ken Ryesky,  Petach Tikva, Israel     kenneth.ryesky@...


airbair@...
 

As a spouse in a same-sex marriage, I suggest spouse as a valuable term for any people in a marriage, regardless of gender(s).  When we got married, the celebrant congratulated us as now being " husband and husband."  

The difficulty with "partner"  is that is is ambiguous on whether it is a familial term or a business term.  Even after being married for 12 years and in a domestic partnership for almost 20 years, people newly met and told that we are partners still assume my spouse and I are in business together.

Also, we are married AND domestic partners - two different statuses, entered into at different times, and still both applicable.  At one time, before national marriage equality, being domestic partners could provide rights in states that didn't yet affirm same-sex marriage.

Thanks for thinking about all this.

Jeff
San Francisco, CA


Trudy Barch
 

Thank you everyone for your responses.   The majority of the responses said Partners.    Some said Domestic Partners not to be confused with a business partner.   Thanks again for your opinions.   Trudy Barch,   FL
Stay safe and healthy everyone.