A Polite Request #general


Marilyn Robinson
 

Hi All,
We use this site in an effort to both learn & to help each other solve genealogy problems, both simple & complex. As a general comment, it would be nice if all readers on this site, when asking for assistance or receiving help, would remember to use the "magic words", please and thank you for receiving help with difficulties or for requesting additional information about something that has been posted. I'm sure that acts of politeness were taught by most  of our parents. Who knows, this tiny extra step, might just lead the responder to your difficulty to go an extra mile, taking/using their own precious, unrewarded time, patience, and/or resources to give you further assistance; lack of common courtesy may bring you nothing---including a lack of any response---"entitlement" does not lead to generosity!
Thank you for "listening",
Marilyn Robinson


Barry Clarke
 

Are you suggesting these "Thank Yous" should be seen by all readers, so we all can know who appreciates information given by others or that  "Thank Yous" be sent privately? I tried posting public "Thank Yous" a couple of times with a snippet more information that I felt might be of value to some readers, but they were not approved for public and I was told to reply to the sender privately.

Barry Clarke, a Brit living in Florida
bbclarke98@...
SZKLARKIEWICZ changed to CLARKE from the Lomza region including Jedwabne and possibly previously in Warsaw
BARNETT supposedly BIENSTOCK OR SIMILAR, from Poland but not known where
NEUMARK changed to NEWMARK from Poznan
LEVINSON changed to BRAHAM from Kalisz
GOODMAN from Poland but not known where
ABRAHAMS from Poland but not known where



csicher@...
 

For an example of a different way of saying thank you, I offer my experience in Uganda. I had helped with education expenses of an orphan, age 7. She thanked me an a culturally appropriate way by kneeling on the floor wordlessly and touching my shoes. Her adult relative said that the family would have been dismayed if the child had failed to kneel and touch.

--
Carol Sicherman
Oakland,CA


Jx. Gx.
 

Marilyn Robinson is right and Barry Clark makes a good point on this topic.  If someone goes out of their way to help you it is only proper that you reciprocate with a "Thank You."  Because the moderator is likely to block personal acknowledgments that don't assist the community, it is best to send those notices privately. Good manners are a universal trait. It doesn't matter what one's native language is.  "Thank you" and "please" are spoken in every language.

Jeffrey Gee
Arizona

Moderator note: Jeffrey is correct, if a message just says “thanks” or “thank you” the message should go back directly to the individual as opposed to the entire Discussion Group Members


Pieter Hoekstra
 


Jean Warwick, Pease don't take offence when I say that; the Jewishgen Community has members from all over the word, from a wonderfully diverse mixture of cultures, and who's first languages, is not English.
Not necessarily so Jean. One English speaking, UK resident member posted, searching for information on details regards Winterswijk cemetery. I was the sole responder and able to provide detailed information publicly and later also in an email as I was concerned perhaps the member was technically challenged. I did not receive a response to either. Not long after the member posted a further request to the board regards the same place. I did not bother responding again. Manners cost nothing but are a highly valuable asset.

--
Pieter Hoekstra 
Moss / Moses, De Costa - London and Brighton
Barnett, Da Costa, Lazarus, Joseph, Judah, Solomon - London


Denise Fletcher
 

You're spot on, Marilyn.  I'm happy to help people, but when I've taken the time to do so, and they respond directly to me with another question or asking for clarification but they don't bother to say "thank you", I won't want to help them again.   The niceties have most certainly not been adhered to in such situations, as the person is taking our time and assistance for granted and is expecting even more help.  

Courtesy costs nothing, and no matter what your home language, saying thank you is the right thing to do when someone has helped you.

Best,
Denise Fletcher
Sydney, Australia


Deborah Wiener
 

Re the thank you of Marilyn Robinson,I agree with her wholeheartedly. I have offered assistance and rarely received a thank you. I think it behoves each of us to thank anyone who replies and offers assistance. A thank you in any language is still a thank you. Rudeness is the same as well…so be nice, be kind and appreciative.

 

Debbie Wiener

Melbourne Australia

0412 32 3878

dwiener@... (debbie wiener)

 

 

 


Teewinot
 

And then there is another thing to consider....

I'm severely disabled. Typing is difficult for me. I'm also sick and
often quite tired. I've lost all my hobbies, except for two: reading
and genealogy.

A few months ago, I had posted asking for some help. A couple people
had replied, and I wrote them back, thanking them. I then wrote an
email to the list stating I'd received replies and no more were needed.
It never posted.

The next thing I know, I started getting inundated with more replies. I
again sent a message to the list to no avail. I tried to keep up with
the replies, but became overwhelmed with some 20 to 30 emails. I wrote
to the list again, but my message never posted. I just gave up. I
apologize to those who never received a reply from me. And I'm
sincerely sorry you had to waste your time.

There needs to be a way to let the list know that no more replies are
required! Without it, people who reply after the needed information is
acquired are just having their time wasted, and that is certainly not
fair to them. It's also not fair to put a burden on people like me, who
just can't manage so many responses. I really felt bad, but there was
nothing I could do.

Jeri Friedman
Florida


Dahn Cukier
 

Hello, 

I think a general thank you with a summary of
what helped or was offered. Even if nothing helped,
a thank you can be sent with the suggestions. 

The subject could be edited to add "summary" 
or  "Thank You", and people would know the request was
satisfied, or "update" if nothing worked but as a repeat
request with what was suggested that did not work, but
only after a month, some queries will never have responses.

I would always read summaries. The name or
location may not mean anything to me, but 
"how to ..." is always good to read.

Dahn   Zukrowicz



When you start to read readin,
how do you know the fellow that
wrote the readin,
wrote the readin right?

Festus Hagen
Long Branch Saloon
Dodge City, Kansas
(Gunsmoke)


On Monday, August 15, 2022 at 09:19:12 AM GMT+3, Teewinot <teewinot13@...> wrote:


And then there is another thing to consider....

I'm severely disabled. Typing is difficult for me. I'm also sick and
often quite tired. I've lost all my hobbies, except for two: reading
and genealogy.

A few months ago, I had posted asking for some help. A couple people
had replied, and I wrote them back, thanking them. I then wrote an
email to the list stating I'd received replies and no more were needed.
It never posted.

The next thing I know, I started getting inundated with more replies. I
again sent a message to the list to no avail. I tried to keep up with
the replies, but became overwhelmed with some 20 to 30 emails. I wrote
to the list again, but my message never posted. I just gave up. I
apologize to those who never received a reply from me. And I'm
sincerely sorry you had to waste your time.

There needs to be a way to let the list know that no more replies are
required! Without it, people who reply after the needed information is
acquired are just having their time wasted, and that is certainly not
fair to them. It's also not fair to put a burden on people like me, who
just can't manage so many responses. I really felt bad, but there was
nothing I could do.

Jeri Friedman
Florida


Shlomo Katz
 

I would like to suggest a different way of looking at this. Marilyn is correct that saying please and thank you are basic good traits. HOWEVER, bad manners is the recipient's issue, not the giver's issue. True kindness is done as anonymously as possible (not allowed on this forum) and without expectation of recognition--just for the sake of the Mitzvah (good deed). That is a basic Jewish value, and this is, after all, a group about Jewish genealogy.

Another basic Jewish value is judging others favorably. Maybe, like one of the writers on this thread, the recipient is disabled. Maybe...who knows?! Tell yourself whatever story works for you.

Do I always remember to live up to this high standard and never get frustrated by ingratitude? No, but we can try!

Shlomo Katz
Silver Spring MD 


EA Wurster
 

Thank you for your thoughts, Marilyn and others.
I think personal thank you replies as pointed out should be sent with the Private button.
If there is a conclusion to my initial question, then I'd post that as a reply to Group. Including a thank you wouldn't bother me at all.
As a matter of my own writing protocol I try to include a closing to my post. It might include words similar to, "Thank you for your replies". 

--
Ed Wurster
Voorhees, NJ
Leider | Leader | Samowitz | Samuels


Michele Lock
 

My opinion is that responses to a person's question, especially if it involved some research on the part of the responder, should be public. I would like to see how others approach a problem and find documents or other information. When a moderator says that responses should be private, I don't get to learn from others' search strategies.

How the original requester words their request for information - I've seen too many times that the person is using please and thank you in their original post, but then they neglect to include what they already know about the ancestor they are researching, or neglect to include a list of what records they have already found. Including this information is being considerate of responders' time, since that means the responders don't have to go out and find information that the requester already has. 

Thank you posts - These do serve a function for everyone. It tells all readers that the requester has already gotten the answer they are looking for, and it keeps additional readers from responding, whether publically or privately.

Michele Lock

Lak/Lok/Liak/Lock and Kalon/Kolon in Zagare/Joniskis/Gruzdziai, Lithuania
Lak/Lok/Liak/Lock in Plunge/Telsiai in Lithuania
Rabinowitz in Papile, Lithuania and Riga, Latvia
Trisinsky/Trushinsky/Sturisky and Leybman in Dotnuva, Lithuania
Olitsky in Alytus, Suwalki, Poland/Lithuania
Gutman/Goodman in Czestochowa, Poland
Lavine/Lev/Lew in Trenton, New Jersey and Lida/Vilna gub., Belarus


Jay Hamburger
 

Thanks for the request.  I like to be helpful and have replied to a number of posts.....and most went un-acknowledged.  It is simple:  someone reaches out....I respond....and they kill the thread with a non-response.  It was THEIR initiative!

In EVERY language and culture, children are taught to say thank you when appropriate.  It lubricates communications.  This behavior makes me less inclined to respond.

JAY HAMBURGER
HOUSTON

GOLDBERG, GOLDENBERG, GREENSTEIN, DWORSKY, CLAYMON


binyaminkerman@...
 

The point Jeri brings up is an important one that has bothered me before. I am not trying to blame the moderators who do a huge service and probably don't get much thanks or recognition, but I do find that sometimes what is and isn't allowed to be posted publicly seems very arbitrary and ultimately counterproductive. 
There have been a handful of times that I have responded to requests for translations but my post was denied and was told to instead respond privately. I think that sets up the poster to be flooded with identical responses since nobody knows if their response is still needed or not like in Jeri's case. It also allows for mistakes to slip into responses and confuse the poster since the public can't see and correct previous responses. 
In my opinion private replies should be reserved for exchanging more sensitive things like contact information or things of that nature. There could also be a method for"closing" a topic, maybe something that could be checked by the poster that would automatically include a text on the thread in the forum thanking all who responded and saying that no further responses are needed, but still allowing later responses since I have seen people return to old threads with relevant input.
--
Binyamin Kerman
Baltimore MD

Researching:
KERMAN Pinsk 
SPIELER Lodz, Zloczew, Belchatow
SEGALL, 

Let me try to clarify on behalf of the moderators. Our job first and foremost is to ensure that all posts follow the JGDG Guidelines. There are only 3 of us reviewing over 10,500 posts per year as well as approving about 1,000 new members a year. 99% of the posts are approved. However, if someone posts just a “thanks” or “appreciate it”, it is felt that a reply like that just fills up members mailboxes and should either be sent back privately or deleted. If a message is “personal”, that is: “I think your great grandmother and my great grandfather were siblings”, we will ask that it be sent back privately. The adage should be: “is this message for all 20,000 members?”We understand that we will never please everyone, but as volunteers we certainly try to do the best that we can. 
Thank you for hopefully understanding 
Phil Goldfarb 
Lead Moderator 


Richard Gilbert
 

Hi All,

I was brought up with the maxim "Manners Maketh Man”.

It is something I have instilled into my sons who are 21 & 19.

I delight in many things about them but one of the things I prize highly about them, is to see them behaving like menches.

It costs nothing to be polite and doing so makes all concerned feel valued and good about themselves.

I love passing on my genealogical expertise built up over 37 years of research. I will always keep on helping those that respond politely.

As my grandmother used to say - All the best,

Richard Gilbert
Hertfordshire, England


Selma Sheridan
 

Politeness is important, - in responses too.  Although most replies are warm and supportive, occasional responses come across as arrogant or even shaming, implying that the requester did not appreciate the work of volunteers, should know that a particular subject was previously discussed, etc.  We are a diverse group, with different levels of genealogy and history knowledge, different abilities and disabilities, different language and computer skills, etc.  Some of us are newbies.  We ask questions for help and guidance, and expect kind respectful answers, - which merit a thank-you of course.  Many thanks for this interesting thread, and thanks to the dedicated volunteers.  
--
Selma SIGAL SHERIDAN
Oswego NY USA
ssherida@...
Researching: BAUCHMANN (Potok Zloty), BEUTEL (Skalat), CYNOWER (Budapest), ERLICHMAN (Lodz), FELD (Podhajce, Tarnopol), HERSCHER (Budapest, Lens), LANGER (Tarnopol, Vienna), LEMLER (Krakow, Vienna), OJSERKIS (Podhajce), PULVER (Vienna), RAUCH (Vienna), RITTER (Budapest), SIGAL (Kozova, Vienna), SWARTZ (Vienna)


Marilyn Robinson
 

To All Readers/Responders,
To say the least, I was absolutely floored by the totally unexpected numbers of comments to my "Polite Request". When I was "venting" to you all, I didn't realize that I had touched a nerve that has bothered quite a few of you, as well. So, I will follow my own advice/suggestions here, & sign off with, "Thank you all for taking the time & expressing your interest in what I had to suggest."
 
Regards,
Marilyn Robinson
Florida


rachel leshem
 

           Yes, to thank is very important. 
i apologize if I was late to thank for any help I got.
From my heart, again,
Thank you, my friends, for any help, hint, hand... you reached out for me.
Shana Tova,
Rachel Leshem.
Israel.
Heller, Weiss, 
Pffeferman, Lob, Loeb, Leib


Adelle Gloger
 

The original post by Marilyn Robinson regarding "please" and "thank you" was something we all needed to be reminded of. Thank you Marilyn.
 Along those same lines, when someone asks for research help it does not take any effort to say "thank you" to the person who offered the help (direct private e-mail) even if nothing comes of it.
Thank you all for listening.
Adelle Weintraub Gloger
Cleveland, Ohio USA
agloger@...